Save me from myself…

I’ve lived with myself, inside this brain for quite a few years now and since I figure I have to somehow survive 😄 I’ve made it a point to study myself thoroughly and learn how to manipulate my mood and to some extent my feelings. Yes, I’m almost always logical, reasonable and level headed (trying to keep a straight face here) but sometimes I get an overwhelming surge of useless feelings so I wanted to be able to control it all within me. Yes, another delusional theory of mine about control. But I’m running the show after all…Seriously though, I handle crisis and conflict better than most but drama is not my thing…Drama within my head – has to be demolished. And since I sleep way less than most, I’ve actually lived almost twice as long as people my age, so plenty of time to think…yes, occasionally I’m one of those thinkers that we all hate. So pretentious!!!

My internal clock wakes me up at my usual 3:42am. I open my eyes and immediately a flood of thoughts starts drumming through my head. I try blocking the undesirable ones but they keep on pushing and stabbing me. Yeah, something is still quite not alright so after a few “Damn it, Desi! Stop it!” I decide a more drastic measure is in order. See, I haven’t been my usual charming self in over a week now and it’s starting to annoy me. So yes, we’re putting a stop on it TODAY.

While taking my hot/cold shower and blasting loud and relaxing tunes by Sade, Anita Baker and The Weekend throughout the house, I mentally select an outfit or at least a direction. Black Armani pant suit paired with a strong fashionable statement – red T-shirt with the words “Just a girl who decided to go for it” written across – as I’ve lost my mind but not my sense of humor. And Chanel, lots of it…Looking good is feeling good! But extra today…

After hair and make up while catching up on the morning news, I attach the appropriate bitchy face expression which fortunately is easily achievable for me. Yeah, one of those that not even the facial recognition app on your phone gets. Got that right!

Next on the list is scent. Selecting the right perfume to wear becomes a bit challenging as I associate aromas with memories. And memories bring back feelings. I have a few drawers full of feelings…But we’re trying to avoid and suppress the feelings today…My most recent favorite Armani Prive has been tarnished by a man so have to dig through my rather large collection. Yes, an oldie but a goodie – power move –  Amarige by Givenchy. One of those that leaves people wanting more…although I’m hearing I’m already too much…

Ok, already feeling better…I jump in my car and on the way to Starbucks off I go. I carefully select the song for the trip as loud music is a must now but it has to be correctly themed, so I go with that very old but super upbeat song by Bonnie Tyler “I’m holding out for a hero”,  followed by “I wanna be bad” (remember Willa Ford?! Well, no one does). By the third replay, I’m feeling cured as the words are starting to make sense…

After the usual 6 compliments by random strangers, one smile and a double espresso, I’m feeling almost sane…

So let’s not get confused here! I’m holding out for a hero…and yeah, in the meantime, I just wanna be bad!!

Damn it! I have to repeat all this ridiculousness tomorrow…



About Desi Stark

All luxury beauty and lifestyle with a sprinkle of the occasional random thought and some life stories.
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