I’m gaping out of the window of my hotel suite and exploring the city. San Francisco is spread in front of my eyes in all it’s lights and glory and I can almost feel the hustle and bustle at my feet down below. Trembling noise that could be felt even from the 15th floor and not muddled by the lateness of the evening. The view is quite spectacular yet unappreciated on my part. I’m bringing vague memories from my past and quickly shuffling through them so I can avoid the unpleasant ones. And while doing so a little smile unintentionally forms because I stay completely unaffected. I’ve become an observant of my evocation, unemotional as if that was never my life. It was a life that belonged to some other girl who I no longer know or want to know. I’ve ruthlessly abandoned her. The girl who lived in this very place up until 2 years ago. She is now a stranger. And a smile appears again as I’ve conquered her. I beat her! I won! And nothing would ever bring me more pride or satisfaction than declaring victory over myself. I am my own adversary, enemy and competition and for a brief moment back then, I thought I was lost forever.

I’m standing there for a moment longer and it feels as though 100 years have passed since then. And although I’ve been back here at least 7 times this year, something changed this time around. I’m finally free!

So no, I never left my heart in San Francisco…