Pause in the dark…

3:43am. My eyes are open in the dark and I desperately start negotiating with my brain…I need another hour of sleep. Ok, my flight to San Francisco is not for another 5 hours; 4 meetings, a conference call and a long, boring dinner meeting with a client. Repeat tomorrow… I’m searching for my inner tigress to grasp the importance of the day but my brain starts sending thoughts my way. Random thoughts about my existence and my purpose and “What’s the point of all this?” And all the crappy philosophical questions that it can think of and can never be answered. Just mocking me…It summons the compassionate side of me and starts blasting all the guilt tripping and pulling all the tricks to make me fully awake. I’m not the obedient type so I resist for a while. I patiently start to catalogue all the questions now as though I’m saving them for later to be addressed but I know I just want to hide them some place as who wants to know or gives a fuck at 3:46am? And now the big question presents itself disguised unfortunately as an innocent little occurrence: “ What do I want?”. I turn on the TV to merely attempt the distraction but the thought remains in stillness, in the dark and haunts me…

Ok, that’s it! I’m getting up!!

About Desi Stark

All luxury beauty and lifestyle with a sprinkle of the occasional random thought and some life stories.
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